John Robertson has faced darkness that would break most people. The depression that followed his accident, the loss of his business partner, the breakdown of his marriage—each could have been the end. But John kept going. This is the story of his darkest days and how he found the strength to keep living.
The Weight of Survival
John’s depression didn’t start with the accident. It started with survival guilt. “I have survivor guilt. Every time, and I mean every time someone younger than I dies, I spend days wondering why I am still alive.”
The guilt is crushing. “I feel so bad it hurts me emotionally and physically. I do get over it, but I still remember those who have passed on.”
The First Crisis
After Lynn’s suicide, John hit rock bottom. The missing $80,000, the discovery that she’d been drugging him, the loss of her and her daughters—it was all too much.
“I was so overwhelmed that I went to my toolbox, took out a pocket knife, and went back to the living room where Lynn had just died. I sat down on the floor, opened the pocket knife, and cut my wrist open. Really, I just wanted to die. Fuck everyone else.”
His father found him and called an ambulance. John was taken to the “nut farm” in St. Thomas and put under a 72-hour watch.
The Hospital Stay
While in the psychiatric hospital, John experienced another trauma. A female patient followed him to his room and tried to attack him. When he refused her advances, she punched him in the crotch.
But there was also kindness. A nurse named Mary brought him coffee every morning, checked on him constantly, and helped him feel human again. (Mary would later become John’s partner for two years.)
The Ongoing Depression
Depression has been a constant companion throughout John’s life. “I don’t sleep well, and I wake up with these memories all the time.” The memories are:
- Lynn’s body on the couch
- The $80,000 missing
- The knowledge that she’d been drugging him
- The loss of his business
- The struggle to recover
The Breakdown of Relationships
John’s depression has affected every relationship he’s ever had. His wife Kelly left him, saying he yelled too much and was mean. His parents didn’t approve of his choices. His friends sometimes didn’t understand.
The Physical Impact
Depression doesn’t just affect the mind—it affects the body too. John’s physical health has suffered:
- Chronic pain from injuries
- Sleep disorders
- Weight gain
- Type 2 diabetes
- Lung disease
The Turning Point
Despite the darkness, John found reasons to keep going:
- His sons: “I love my boys so much”
- His faith: “I believe God had a plan for me”
- His determination: “I made up my mind that I was going to get better”
- His pride: “I have accomplished a lot in my life”
The Coping Strategies
John has developed strategies to cope with his depression:
- Staying busy: Work keeps his mind occupied
- Physical activity: Hot tub therapy helps with pain
- Avoiding alcohol: He quit drinking to protect his relationship with his sons
- Writing: This book is a form of therapy
- Talking: He’s open about his struggles
The Message
“Don’t ever give up, no matter how hard it is. Believe me, you can make it. Just remember, I was hit by a big truck, I was in a coma for eight days, and I quit breathing on the way to the hospital.”
What This Story Teaches Us
John’s journey through depression teaches us:
- Depression is real: It’s not just sadness—it’s a medical condition
- Suicide is preventable: With support, people can get through the darkest moments
- Healing takes time: There’s no quick fix for trauma
- Support matters: John’s family saved his life
- Hope is possible: Even in the darkest moments, you can find reasons to keep going
Conclusion
John Robertson has survived depression, suicide attempts, and unimaginable loss. He’s been to the darkest places a person can go and come back. His story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. If you’re struggling, John’s message is clear: don’t give up. Keep going. There is hope on the other side.
