John Robertson has had his heart broken more times than he can count. His relationships follow a painful pattern: he falls deeply in love, tries desperately to make it work, and ultimately watches it fall apart. The common thread in all these failed relationships? His brain injury. This is the story of how a traumatic brain injury affected every romantic relationship John ever had.
The First Love
Before the accident, John had been dating his girlfriend for three years. He was planning to propose. The night of the accident, he was telling his brother about this plan when the taunting began. That proposal never happened.
When John finally came out of his coma, his girlfriend visited him. But her parents, John believes, had something to do with her disappearance from his life. “That just tells me her mom and dad didn’t believe in me.”
The hardest part was when John told her he couldn’t ask her to wait for him because he didn’t know if he’d get better. “My heart was in my throat as I made my way out to the car, and we left. My heart was broken.”
The Pattern Emerges
After the accident, John’s relationships followed a pattern:
- A woman shows interest in him
- His damaged frontal lobe causes him to fall in love quickly
- He becomes emotionally invested
- Something goes wrong—usually related to his impulsivity or emotional regulation
- The relationship ends
- He’s left heartbroken
The Coffee Shop Romance
One of John’s most memorable encounters began when he stepped in front of a car in a coffee shop parking lot. The driver, an attractive woman, followed him back to work and initiated a relationship. She was separated with children and wanted sex without commitment. For a while, it worked. But when her ex-husband reappeared, she left.
The Many Women
John’s story includes a parade of women:
- The single mother with the red-haired daughter
- The bank teller who wouldn’t let him say “I love you”
- The woman from Michigan who he tried to impress but failed
- Lynn, the mysterious woman in the mink coat
- Mary, the nurse from the psychiatric hospital who “kidnapped” him
- Kelly, the woman who became his wife
Why This Happens
John explains the pattern clearly: “I guess when someone of the opposite sex pays a lot of attention to me, I fall in love hard and fast.” This is a direct result of his frontal lobe damage, which affects emotional regulation.
The Relationship with Lynn
Lynn was perhaps the most complex relationship. She appeared at his door in a mink coat, naked underneath, and initiated a sexual relationship. She had three daughters. John fell in love with her and her children. They started a business together.
But Lynn was hiding secrets. She had been drugging John at supper time. She had been telling staff she would cut John up and put him in garbage bags if they told him what was going on. She was sending money to a man out west and planning to leave with John’s truck.
Then came the suicide. Lynn’s throat was slit. John found her body. “I don’t believe I had said anything to Lynn the night before, but there she laid totally nude, and her throat had been sliced open.”
The Marriage to Kelly
Kelly was the first woman John asked to marry him. They had two sons together. But their marriage couldn’t survive the challenges of his injury. “The older I got, I started thinking my dad didn’t want kids either,” John reflects.
Kelly left him, saying he yelled too much and was mean. John was devastated. “All I ever wanted was to have a good life, so I thought if I worked hard, I would have just what I wanted, right?”
The Lesson
“Me and my head injury affected every relationship I have ever had,” John writes. He takes responsibility for his behavior, even when his brain injury contributed to it. “Most of the problem was my head injury causing most of the issues.”
The Hope
Despite everything, John still loves his wife. “I still love my wife and my boys, but we can’t live together. I have been saying good morning to her every day now for 6 years. No matter what, Kelly was the first woman that I ever asked to marry me, and we had children together. I guess I am old school; that means a lot to me.”
What This Teaches Us About Brain Injury and Relationships
John’s relationship history illustrates how brain injury affects:
- Attachment: Damaged emotional regulation leads to rapid bonding
- Judgment: Difficulty reading situations and making good decisions
- Impulse control: Saying things that hurt partners
- Emotional expression: Difficulty controlling anger and other emotions
- Social skills: Misreading social cues and reacting poorly
Conclusion
The tragedy of John’s relationships isn’t that he didn’t love—he loved too much, too quickly, and too deeply. He gave everything he had to women who sometimes took advantage of his vulnerability. And when the relationships inevitably failed, he was left with nothing but heartbreak. But in the end, John doesn’t blame anyone. He knows his brain injury made things harder. He just kept trying, kept loving, kept hoping.
